By Dana Whitfield
The cheapest bottle in this category is capable of destroying the most expensive toy you own. It is silicone lubricant on a silicone toy, and almost nobody is told about it at the point of sale.
Here is what each type actually does, and what it does to the things you already own.
The short version
Water based is the safe default. It works with every toy, every condom and every body, and the only real drawback is that it dries out and needs topping up. Silicone based lasts far longer and is the only sensible choice in water, but it degrades silicone toys, which is most of what you own. Oil based feels lovely and destroys latex condoms. If you buy one bottle and stop reading, buy water based.
The four types, honestly
| Type | Best at | Do not use with |
|---|---|---|
| Water based | Everything. The universal option, safe with every toy and every condom | Nothing, but it dries out and needs reapplying |
| Silicone based | Lasting a long time without reapplying, and anything in the shower or bath | Silicone toys. Fine with glass, steel and ABS plastic |
| Oil based | Massage, external use, staying slick | Latex condoms, which it breaks down. Also hard to wash out of fabric |
| Hybrid | Lasting longer than water based while staying easier to clean than silicone | Check the label. If it contains silicone, treat it as silicone around silicone toys |
The silicone on silicone problem, explained properly
Silicone lubricant and silicone toys are chemically related, and over repeated contact the lubricant softens the surface of the toy. It does not happen instantly and it is not dramatic. What you get is a toy that turns slightly tacky, then gummy, then starts to degrade at the surface.
Once that happens the toy is finished. A degraded surface cannot be properly cleaned, and no amount of washing brings it back.
The frustrating part is that silicone lubricant is genuinely the better lubricant in most other respects. It lasts longer, needs less reapplying and works in water. It is simply the wrong partner for the most common toy material there is.
If you want to test a lubricant against a toy you care about, put a drop on the base or somewhere out of the way, leave it an hour, then wipe it off and feel the spot. Tackiness means stop.
What to avoid, and why
- Numbing agents. Anything advertising desensitising or long lasting numbing. Discomfort is information. Switching off the signal lets you carry on past the point where you should have stopped, and that is how people get hurt.
- Warming and tingling formulas. Fine if you like them and your skin agrees, but they are a common cause of irritation, and it is worth trying one somewhere small before committing to a session.
- Anything sticky, thin or strongly perfumed. Heavy fragrance is usually covering a cheap base.
- Kitchen substitutes. Cooking oil, lotion and hand cream are not designed for this, and lotion in particular tends to contain things you do not want internally.
Matching lubricant to what you are doing
| Situation | Use | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Silicone toy, anything | Water based | The only type guaranteed not to damage it |
| Anal, any toy | Thick water based gel | There is no natural lubrication there at all, and thinner formulas disappear too fast |
| Glass or stainless steel toy | Water or silicone | Neither material is affected by silicone |
| In the shower or bath | Silicone, with a non silicone toy or none | Water based washes away in seconds |
| With latex condoms | Water or silicone | Oil degrades latex and causes condoms to fail |
| Massage, external only | Oil based | Stays slick longest on skin |
The part a retailer usually leaves out
Almost everyone uses far too little. The amount that looks right is usually about a third of the amount that works. Being generous costs almost nothing and changes the experience more than upgrading the toy would.
The second thing nobody says out loud: needing lubricant is not a signal that anything is wrong. Natural lubrication varies enormously with hydration, medication, stress, time of month, age and simple luck on the night, and none of that is a verdict on arousal or on a relationship. Treating it as a normal part of the kit rather than a remedy for a problem is the single easiest improvement most people can make.
Almost everyone uses far too little. The amount that looks right is usually about a third of the amount that works. Being generous costs almost nothing and changes the experience more than upgrading the toy would.
The second thing nobody says out loud: needing lubricant is not a signal that anything is wrong. Natural lubrication varies enormously with hydration, medication, stress, time of month, age and simple luck on the night, and none of that is a verdict on arousal or on a relationship. Treating it as a normal part of the kit rather than a remedy for a problem is the single easiest improvement most people can make.
And for anal, it is not optional in any sense. The body produces nothing there. Under-lubricating is the cause of most of the bad first experiences people describe.
Storage and shelf life
Lubricants do expire, usually somewhere between one and three years, and the date is on the bottle. Heat degrades them, so a bathroom cabinet is better than a car glovebox or a sunny windowsill. If a formula has separated, gone cloudy when it was clear, or smells different from the day you opened it, replace it rather than economising.
Pumps are more hygienic than flip caps, and a great deal easier one-handed, which matters more than it sounds.
Where to start
A good water based bottle is the one purchase that improves everything else you own, so start in Lubricants and Body Care and pick a thicker gel if anal is on the agenda at all. Keep silicone lubricant as a second bottle for glass, steel and the shower rather than as your everyday one.
If you are choosing the toy at the same time, the Vibrators and Stimulators and Anal and Prostate ranges are almost entirely silicone, which settles the lubricant question for you. Our guide to starting with anal plugs goes further into technique, and when to replace a toy covers what a damaged surface actually looks like.
And if you would rather have it narrowed down, Help Me Choose asks two questions and hands you a short list.
